We’ve all been dumped before, probably more than once. And I’m sure most of us have heard that old clichéd line “It’s not you, it’s me.” My last serious boyfriend ended things with “I love you, but I’m not sure if I’m in love with you.” Hmm….
Since lately it seems as if my friends and I have had to deal with a variety of moronic men and women (yes, ladies, we can be just as guilty of flimsy/bitchy breakups), I decided to do a poll of the funniest/worst breakup lines people have gotten. Some go without saying: breaking up with someone via text or email, simply disappearing with no explanation, or acting like such a jerk the other person is forced to break up with you. But apart from those, here are the top 15 worst and/or funniest breakup lines:
1. “I’m sorry, but there just isn’t room in my life right now for both you and my vibrator.”
2. “Baby you know I love you, but before we take it to the next level I need to see what else is out there.”
3. “My mom said I have to break up with you.”
4. For a woman to get rid of a man early on: “I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have your children.” (sometimes they leave skid marks)
5. “It’s not that I don’t love you but I don’t want anything serious right now.”
6. “I feel too intensely for you and it scares me.”
7. “It’s not you, it’s my horrible choice in men.”
8. “I don’t want to hurt you, so tell me how I should break up with you.”
9. “I think we’d be better off as friends.”
10. “It’s been great getting to know you, but it’s time we got to know other people.”
11. “We need some space.” (translation: I want to date other people, but I’d like to keep you around in case it doesn’t work out).
12. “I think we should see other people” (translation: I’m already seeing other people so you should catch up).
And three that are plays on popular pickup lines (from Demitri Martin):
13. “Is it hot in here? Or are you just suffocating me in this relationship?”
14. “Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?”
15. “Are your feet tired? Because you’ve been stomping on my dreams for months now.”
What are the worst breakup lines you’ve heard or experienced? Please comment and share them!
And if you’ve been through a breakup recently and need some cheering up, check out these five quotes:
“I still miss my ex but my aim is improving.” (similarly, “I ran into my ex the other day. Then I put it into reverse and hit him again”).
“I cried today… Not because I missed you or even wanted you, but because I finally realized I’m going to be all right without you.”
“I don’t miss him, I miss who I thought he was.”
“My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.”
“All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with someone else.” – Mae West